7.08.2006

Horlicks Fest, my foot!

Parental Adivsory: Accidental (though not unintentional) Explicit Content
Its Saturday... my most loved day of the week... At about nine in the morning, I'm rudely pushed into a claustrophibia-inducing place teeming with humanity. Apart from the big crowd of hulking guys, there are also gals, so I think, 'What a nice place to socialize!'. But there is no time for such stuff - I'm in the midst (and so are the poor guys and gals around me) of the world's most ILL ORGANISED, LOW-BUDGET, FOUTH RATE event...

...The HORLICKS Fest(ugh!)...

The bloomin' event took place in Tagore theatre, Trivandrum (where Tagore comes into the picture, I dunno; anyway, he's squirming in his grave now). They started off with a vain display of their blasted drink - 'Horlicks' [the die-hard malayalees pronounce it as 'whore-licks'] and how it made kids Taller, Stronger and Sharper and stuff likethat. Then the real thing started.Started... in a way. The host was one egg in a suit who was, I bet, paid to praise Horlicks(henceforth referred to as H - what a name!) The *#@%&*% called us kids and made us repeat their slogan like monkeys. None of school guys did - there's our dignity. Anyway we got to see pretty soon how urgently they needed money and how it made them do such a miserable task.

By the way, I swore that I would write something about our group song (or rather, the lack of it). Our school principal, some weeks ago, suddenly came to the conclusion that the 11th and the 12th stds were not to be allowed to moon classes in the name of practice for the H fest. So he issued a decree stating the same, and the group song, which the 11th and the 12th were assigned to sing, was handed over to the 10th. The tenth, the lazy pile of cheesy baboon arses! They played the fool all the while, and sudddenly of Friday evening, while going home late from school, one of those stupid rascals remembers that they've got to do the grp.song. The mull over it for sometime, and forget it entirely.Finally, it's up to the 12th and the 11th. Well, whadda we do? We spent one hour arguing over what song to sing. and we chose after a long time - Boulevard of broken dreams by Green Day (we had just 2 more hrs to go) Then half an hour is wasted for deciding what instruments we'll take onto the stage, and seeing that we have none right then (thanks to the 10th) we go and beg from our chums in other schools. They, with all generosity, place them at our feet... and we start practising... I decide not to play the keyboard, as the guitar (played by my friend 'Riddle') is more than enough. All through this we are standing in the hot sun, singing for all we're worth, with Riddle in the corner, leaning on a wall, yours truly on his left, Riddle's girlfriend 'Jay' from St. Thomas school(those guys gave us the instruments) on his right, and all the other group members surrounding us. We go on singing for some time, Riddle furiously plucking chords with a coin, but then suddenly the third string of his guitar(it's his for the time-being) goes twang and nearly puts his eye out. I rush off to find our friends from St. Thomas. They are nowhere to be seen. So I tell the gist of the whole matter to Jay(who seems to be the only person there), who laughs but manages to find one of her schoolmates who give us the SECOND string of an ELECTRIC guitar...cool, huh? So the odds: No song, no instruments, half an hour to practise, third string broken, second string of an electric guitar given, coin instead of a plectrum, Riddle's right arm (having been butted into by another classmate's shoulder) in a bandage... etc. Well, we sang, and the guitar was hardly heard onstage, thanks to some mothafuckr fiddling with the accoustics, and I still have doubts whether the judges understood our song. Anyway, we lost. ...Sht...

Then came the most frustrating thing... We, having participated in the group music, could not write the quiz prelims, which took place simultaneously (sIMULTANEOUSLY!-think of the genius who arranged this). Howver there was a repeat quiz for people like us, and by the time we got there, a one-eyebrowed buffalo in a suit grunted to us that it was all filled up. We tried to push, but in vain. My quiz partner, being the kinda decent-profile people, just muttered angrily, while people nearby got really angry and there was quite an amount of Language being heard ;) Anyway, I cursed the one-eyebrowed fkr and all his associates and wished that they spend the rest of their lives in hell, roasted like ants over a slow fire. And here's something for you to laugh - the original quiz prelims AND the one I was talking about had EXACTLY THE SAME QUESTIONS. So any dud could ask his chum the questions and write this thing. MEanwhile, all of us homo-sapiens were thirslty, and all those vile-mounds-of-petrified-llama-crap's had with them was their very own health drink -Horlicks. Drinking that while you are thirsty is like commiting suicide. Horlicks, my foot! Tacky container of reeky drain clogs. Disgraceful box of contaminated bat guano. Bad breathed collection of embarrassing hippo vomit.....

I crawled into a stupid looking canopy, where I gathered that English essay was conducted. We played penfight with ourselves for sometime, then commented on how mean were they to leave the lights on at 2 o'clock in the afternoon, and not switch the bloody fans on. Finally a guy came with some green papers and told us that we had 1 hr to write 'somthing fun' on Rights and responsibilities. All the while some idiot kept hailing us over the PA system, whose speakers were stuffed into every nook and corner of that dismal shelter. We wrote something... Finally we stuffed our papers up the guy's nose and exited.

By the time they had announced the results of the quiz, the event called 'Search' was already over, without anyone's knowledge. This time I got really furious... I just picked up my bag and walked out of that mouldy ol' coffin where some wormy idiot decided to host his Hfest. I hailed an auto, paid up 30 rupees to go to my home (I feel it was worth that money).
What with an idiotic stinkin' totaly disorganised function that had me wasting half of my precious Saturday...

DAMN!

2 comments:

Kishor Govind Nayar said...

KISHOR's COMMENT

I agree with Sriram completely. Even the City Corporation is better organized than HORLICKS FEST. It was a day to forget.
A total waste of time. I ran out of the place with my life. It was extremely irritating and frustrating. Someone must show them how to organize inter-school festivals. They should have been more strict with the participation.

Some schools brought truck-loads of students just to disrupt Rabindranath Tagore's peaceful sleep. There is a limit to the levels of incompetence reached by anyone or anything. Well, HORLICKS FEST just broke all boundaries.

Shark said...

Using the magic-techonolgy of bulleted-list....corrections:

*It was my left arm that was injured.
*The guitar belonged to Andrews.
*I like cake.

And the good news....more bulleted-list-technology:

*We won the damned quiz......by a mile....
*We got the "Most Disciplined school award"....HOLY F'ING SHIT!!!!.....Was that supposed to happen????
*I think my arm will be okay.....