3.07.2010

Le first Shenoy!

Note: For those who are in the dark about what a Shenoy is, I'd suggest going through 'groaners' like this and this one wiki entry.

It was the time of the intra college fest again. For those who were accustomed to ripping the competition competing with people from other colleges, this was a gratifying experience. Of showing Who was The Boss. Or who ran the things around here.
As usual, the dudes from Mechanical Engg were off at their proud best, shouting slogans and flinging engine parts about; the electronics people were sick of being called the nerds of college and were protesting by amputating poor Field Effect Transistors; and the compsci people were too busy trying to get Windows to shut down for them to make it to the events in time. The Civilians were being civil enough and the electrical people were too shocked to respond. And the chicks at Archi were as hot as ever :P

The big events started and as the tension built up, the talk about who, from which branch, would walk away with the grand prize, also known as LeGrand Prize (after the sponsors). For the dude/dudette who scored the maximum, all the events included. All eyes were on two people - A girl from Compsci and dude from Mech. The eyes who were not looking were on the Mech Man(MM), because he happened to be the son of a well known Professor. The Compsci chick(CC), on the other hand, was very popular in quite a few circles too.

The whole thing was not without any loopholes. Any time MM got the pointers to slide in his favour, the gang supporting CC cried foul. When the latter won something big, the MM-supporter guys panicked and shouted about; and had it not been for the reassuring chime of the next event coming up, it would've ended up in a fight. And it almost did once, but that's another story.

Tom and Mot were two friends who were exactly like what their names suggested: Quite the opposite of each other. As was the case here, Tom supported MM and Mot was for CC. But they hit it off quite well, and never hit anybody else.

At the present time, they were discussing the points for and against both of them winning, and the discussion had all the symptoms of turning into a pointless philosophical one. Tom had started off remarking, if not anything else, CC's hairdo was an instant turn-off and Mot had retorted (prefixing the age old "You male chauvinistic pig!") saying something it was nothing but bad wind that messed it up; following which Tom had bitten back a rather ill-humoured comment on CC's posterior. He also had nothing to say against accusations of bias when it came to the son of a Professor.

And hence time flew (aided by the bad wind, asserted Mot) and it was time for the winner of LeGrand prize to be announced. The cheering team for Mech and the ones for Compsci had finally arrived in a huge gang, as it was sure that the grand prize of the LeGrand switchboard belonged to either MM or CC. The chief guest got to the stage and spoke a few words as befitting a gentleman like himself and the time. The world waited with bated breath as he announced: "And LeGrand prizzze... goesss to... Mech Mannnn!!!!"

A roar erupting from the cheering Mech dudes drowned out our poor CC-supporting Mot's cries of dismay. The Compsci people were on the brink of tears. However, one line of age old truth from Tom made them see it in the proper light:
"Cheer up, people", he said. "It was bound to happen. Mech hai while the son shines".

3.03.2010

Of labs and labradors

Keeping in line with the latest ruling of the ASSociation of Hopelessly Obdurate Lab-Engaging Staff (ASSHOLES), students who have been condemned given the golden opportunity to experiment, innovate and serve humanity in a noble manner by copying readings from seniors' records designing, experimenting with and trying out various circuits in the electronics labs, will have to observe the following rules.

0. The lab record is the single most important thing in your possession. You are required to eat, sleep, play, take a shit, etc with it in your hand all the time. Anatomical difficulties like requiring two hands for certain jobs will have to be made up for by tactics like holding the book in between your teeth (Also see #4)

1. You shall not enter the lab without carrying your rough and fair lab records, held vertically in front of your chest perpendicular to the ground, in such a manner that it is visible to the main lab staff from a minimum distance of one and a half kilometres under normal-to-cloudy lighting conditions.

2. Your sessionals for the lab subject will be awarded strictly in accordance with various factors, including your performance in the lab, your attire, the state of health you turn up in everyday, the number of times you swear (and the number of times it's actually heard), grooming: for boys - the amount of stubble on your face, for girls - (consult staff advisor for details), the deodorant you wear, etc. All this will be STRICTLY calculated to a razor sharp precision of seventeen decimal places, applying the HDE whenever and wherever necessary. The final results shall be obtained after thorough calculation on the PARAM PADMA. Decisions made will be final and binding.

3. Speaking of binding, your rough and fair records are to be bound, tied and gagged with multiple layers of brown paper, and suitably insulated to withstand temperatures ranging from -187 to +242 degC and voltages of the order of 61 milliVolt. Bullet proofing is optional, though recommended.

4. A slight chink, crack or tear in the afore-mentioned insulation will be taken as a serious case of contempt-of-the-'cord and the violator shall be Record-martialled in full view of the ladies hostel (in case of male violators) or the mens' hostel (in case of female violators). Also, the insulation shall be restored within a period of twenty four hours from the time of

5. For those of your smart-alecks out there, the name rough record is a misnomer. All diagrams drawn in it have to be painstakingly sketched after atleast two rough drawings at home, spending a minimum of two and a half hours per square inch of drawing.

6. Following entry into the lab and preceding any experiment, the rough record will have to be submitted for crucifixion scrutiny, during which all blatant errors and mistakes (like non-uniformly dark lines, accidental eraser marks, slightly slanted lines, slightly non-neat handwriting) will be yelled at in the world's most irritating voice gently pointed out, following which it will have to be re-done in five minutes. Pleas which include words like "WTF" or "Herculean" will be instantly dismissed. The word "please" is banned.

7. The fair record will have to be immaculately maintained. It will have to be stored in a strongbox, shielded in ESD bags and kept out of reach of children and rodents. The handwriting of the person will be electronically scanned once, following which the same style will have to be maintained throughout his life and well into his afterlife, if any. The record shall be watered twice a day and exposed to sunlight of intensity 5.6 candela thrice a week.

8. Using mobile phones in the lab is blasphemy. Violators will be dealt with as in Section 42(Y) of the Code of Conduct in Labs and Other Subterranean Crevices, 1993.

9. No one shall do anything except what is required to be done in the syllabus DURING lab hours. During non lab hours, the lab shall be closed. However, the permission of the HOD and the staff advisor will have to be sought in writing, before making that extremely annoying discovery stated in the previous sentence.

10. You are nothing, you mortal earthling. You have been extremely lucky that your name happened to feature in the Entrance Exam result and it is pure chance that you got admission to this universally revered institution.


Update: Hmmm it's not this bad, actually :P