4.13.2010

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Some people have been created as solid logic machines. They don't seem to understand the fact that some things can exist without a reason. Atleast without an obvious one.
One of those days, when one feels totally frustrated with the world and life in general, it's not uncommon for anyone to look in the direction of the heavens and plead "WHY, God?? WHY?!".
And then, it's not like there comes this shrill noise (of a mic test) from above, followed by a deep voice, "Ahem.. well my child, it's like in this particular differential equation that happened to ruling your day on the fourth of November 2010, there was this inherent flaw in the precision of one of the constants, this loophole having been exploited by the probability of your screwing up your day, unfortunately, I may add, contributed to the whole thing, resulting in this particular distasteful blemish on the happiness of ur life". Nopes, that never happens.

Yet, somehow, life goes on..

It's in my college that I met most of the specimens of this type. The one which left me particularly shaken was this incident involving a smiley badge. One of my buddies had got hold of this badge with the most innocent-looking, cutest smiley you'd ever have seen. Anyone who glanced at that face was sure to have a most affable smile on his face the next moment.. such was the power of smiley-man :) One fine morning I decided I'd sport it on my chest and make the world seem a better place for the day. And so it was (with the same smug attitude which Calvin carries about him while wearing his rocket-ship underpants) that I walked into my class. Mixed responses. A couple of people see it and smile and ask where I got it from.. All well and good. Then come these other people..
"Aaha.. enthaada ithu?" [Ah what's this da?]
"Smiley aliya" [Duh.. Smiley, man!]
"Enthinaada ithu ittondirikunne?" [Why're u wearing this, da?]
"Uh... chumma" [Uh.. just like that]
"Chummayo? Alla, ithinte upayogam entha?" [Oh? But I mean, what's the use of it?]

I really ran out of words at this point. I quickly blurted out the first thing that came up in my mind: "Ah.. ath actually Vaastu Shastra-ile powerful sambhavamaade.. Oru rekshayilllatha paripaadiya" [Well, it's this powerful thingy mentioned in Vaastu Shaastra. It's really awesome]
He was like.. "Gee..", and said no more :) Yaay!

Suffice it to say I get consulted for Vaastu tips these days. And given my latest flair for 'thallu' [gas-adikkufying] in exam papers quite successfully, I've managed to dole out random tips pretty well. (Offering Vaastu tips to girls is a really adventurous opportunity, for I've managed to persuade many into thinking even dressing is an integral part of Vaastu.. ah u see the point)


Speaking of girls, there was this time I bunked some class in the peak of summer because the classroom was nothing short of a goddamn furnace, and went straight to the Department's computer facility, to cool off in its air-con interiors. Unfortunately, the internet connection was on its knees and crawling that day, so determined not to make myself any more nostalgic (being reminded of dial-up days), I headed off to the library. I was sort of interested in this subject called control systems of late (it being a really multi-discipline subject, and my being on a high off train/aircraft videos recently), so I take this nice-looking book from the shelf and take a seat, hogging the fastest and airiest fan-space.

All of a sudden this nerd girl walks in and does a :-O expression (or better, the zoozoo style shocked-WTF expression). My words of gentle enquiry as to her well-being fell on deaf words as the scared-out-of-her-skin lady could only utter one sentence: "God.. Did they change the syllabus??"

Apparently, I was reading up on a subject which was part of the syllabus one or two semesters ahead, and I had not taken the proper precautions to put up disclaimers like "DONT PANIC" by the side of the desk. I managed to shrug off, saying "Naah I was just going thru it for fun.. y'know, just like that :)". With a final look that spoke volumes about her lingering doubts, she went about her business. I felt as if I'd said the "Naah just for fun.. y'know, just like that :)" line while holding someone at gunpoint and the person was asking me what the gun was for :|

School was exactly the opposite. We had a bunch of maniacs doing stuff totally crazy and WTF'd, and nobody gave a shit about anything. If someone liked something, they joined in, and nobody was hurt. And everything went as merry as kids going round the mulberry bush.

Just two days ago I had one of those lovely experiences falling just in line with the theme of what I'd been talkin of till now. I was at my mother's native place (Coimbatore) and it was a cool Sunday morning. I was woken up by the regular 6am-9am load shedding and was looking around. My cousin sis was still fast asleep beside me and the kiddy cousins hadnt stirred yet. Feeling bored I nudged the former awake and we had a cuppa tea. The tea having gone inside, we thought we'd go for a morning ride. So her old battered Scooty was prodded to life and off we went. It was randomness all through. We took a couple of turns here and there, and ended up on the highway, buzzing along at a comfortable fifty an hour, wind in our face and the sun rising in the distance. What made it even more perfect was when I asked "Hey enga poroam?" [hey where we goin?] she laughed and said, "Haha thereela" [I dont know!] It couldnt have been more kickass :)

At some point we turned back and followed the road we came by.. It was at this juncture that she remembered that there was this level crossing somewhere nearby and we thought we'd check it out. A few miles down there was this small road leading left, and we took it and came upon the aforementioned place. It was the now-closed (for gauge conversion) metre-gauge line from Coimbatore to Pollachi. Single line, surrounded by open scrubland, grass and weeds on all sides. We went past it and suddenly sis has an idea. She stopped the scooty and says, "Hey come on!".
And then we held hands and walked along the rails. Just like that.

It couldn't have been more beautiful. The sun was rising behind our backs, and the birds were chirping for all their worth. The cold morning breeze was still about and there was not a soul in sight. And here we were, just like kids, holding hands and walking on the rails. Occasionally stumbling, falling, tugging on each other to regain balance. We talked and laughed a lot. I felt a sense of joy I'd never felt for a long time.. It was back to being a kid. From a big, mature nineteen to a carefree six or seven year old..

And what made the whole thing even more beautiful was the pure serendipity. It was, indeed, 'just like that!'We walked a few hundred metres down the track and turned back; got back home just in time for breakfast.


"There you are! Where the heck had both of you gone?" chimed our moms together. "Ahh ma.. we were at a secret place :)" said sis.
The kids in us were still about :)

Image copyright: http://www.flickriver.com/places/U6hNy5iYA5nczaxm5g/

4.04.2010

Om Wittala Wit-tala Pun-duranga!

And so it happened one lazy Saturday afternoon (Haha die, you grammar freaks who threated folks starting sentences with 'and'.. Here I am, starting a whole goddamn blog-post with a lowly conjunction!) that @Schreiwarduhnn came up with this idea of twitter-shenoys (Update: He's posted his collection here)
Shenoys, for the uninitiated, are named after the delightful creations of (you guessed it), Shenoy, and are very similar to the so called Feghoots. A long cooked up story, ending in a rather 'groaner' pun at some popular saying or phrase. As with twitter invading the world, the 140 character version took wings too. Here are a few your humble blog-owner's old lemon churned out, for your rreading pleashurre saar:

Meet Sasi.. He is a head-load worker in a specific section of a huge spice farm. He loves his job though.. Calls it labour of clove.

The lady was so distraught she ran all the way to the mine, and went inside it to meet her husband, to weep in his arms. Unfortunately, he gave her the coal shoulder.

That girl's already been proposed to by four guys. She's four-bidden fruit.

Mama kangaroo was really upset at little joey spending his whole time snuggling up against her instead of climbing out and growing up.. "He's such a pouch potato!", she exclaimed.

Apple initially christened their music player 'Pod'.. but seeing it was so sexy and steal-worthy, they were asked to keep an i on it :)

Atlas meets another Atlas: "Why, its a small world!"

When you create a document in MS-Word solely using the speech recognition tool: Word of mouth.

The HOD, quite unexpectedly, admired the mass bunk: It was a class act, he said.

How do old men who're hard of hearing convey that to u? "Go on, talk.. I'm all years!"

"As much as I love sodomy", one gay said to another, "I really wish you'd keep your mouth shut during the act.. I dont like people talking behind my back".

Mallu friend was puzzled over how to address his new pet.. Finally after much thought he says, "Well I suppose I'll call it 'eday'" :P

The witty king often used to send the royal cobbler into a tizzy, saying, "I shall be giving you the boot this afternoon"

In the olden days, rather than locomotives, deer (and similar antelopes) used to pull small trains. So much that at the far ends of platforms in railway stations, there used to be a board saying: "The buck stops here".

The bullet pierced through the darkness, and got him right in his manhood. Yelling in pain, he screamed, "You bastards!!! That was a fuckin shot in the DORK!!"

The circuit assembler guy was insanely angry the whole afternoon. It was, after hours and hours of searching for a missing IC that he discovered, he had the chip on his shoulder.

The rapist was busy teaching the apprentice 'the old in-and-out'.. Summing it up nicely, he said, "As you sew, so shall you rape".

The accountant was caught sleeping with her co-worker.. The boss (her husband) barges in, sees that and shouts, "TALLY HO!!!"

The sleepy office is about to shut shop for the day.. It's 'leave and let leave' time.

I fuckin HATE that boy at the flour-mill like anything.. One of these days I'll give him an axe to grind!

Overheard at a level crossing: "This freight train seems so damn long.." "But it'll pass by soon.. All goods things must come to an end!"