Oh ye Googligans!

Alright, I just had my much-justified Sunday afternoon nap. Wait, it's not Sunday yet? Alright, who cares. It's a bloody sunny day anyway.

Let's come to the point (and forget about the fact that I'm blogging after a pretty long time now).. Google. Yup we know that's the reason one third the internet lives wherever it lives (it lives on the internet, in case you were wondering) and that for millions of years it [ie, G. Inc] has been helping people find the answers to questions. (There are also pretty scathing rumours that the '42' answer was actually the computer passing on an error code [Error 404 was Error 42 in those days, the proponents of the theory claim] that popped up when it did a google search - {reverse BODMAS bracketing, I like!} ).

The point. Yeah, I'll be right there. We veteran bloggers (as a nice young lady referred to me yesterday) are not the ones who regularly play around hedges, bushes or similar dark, stubby vegetation. And no sir, I do not know what you just thought when you read the previous sentence.

Google, like I was saying. It's a matter of great pride for the company that their name became a widely used verb and that the word earned its place as a widely known name, but few know it's also a place to spend a lazy afternoon trying to earn a few chuckles.

So here's what I did: Fired up the browser (I still use Opera, if you must know), opened two tabs - google.com and google.in, and typed in some profound questions. The little screenshots down there speak for themselves:

Search query: What is
Both the International community as well as the Indian community seem to be curious about a lot of things, with the latter being slightly more technologically curious. Swell.

Here's the Indian version:

The google.com version:

Feeling rather curious now, I put forth the better question: How to. And the results were not surprising (to an Indian, that is).

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what the Indian crowd wonders about. (Lemme tell you, the list was far worse, some months back when my buddy and I tried this out for fun). Around the globe, our homo-sapien counterparts were mainly concerned about trivial stuff like How to tie a tie, write cover letters, write a resume, to knit, draw etc. Boy we're one horny crowd.

Slightly more hilarious was the profundity people displayed when it came to the question "Why"

Take a look at the International version:

And coming to desi wonly - here's the Indian version:

Now this pissed me off for many reasons: One, I dont know the answers to most of the questions posed in the international version. Two, WHY the fuck are we being so narrowed-down, dumb and job-oriented? I mean, those are probably interview questions - the one about hiring, career etc and if it comes up on google suggest, it means a majority of our fellow men dont know what the friggin hell google is for. And I felt warm at heart when the "what is" of google.co.in revealed a lot of tech. They're probably interview questions too.

Alright, moving on to something more interesting.. Search query being:
"Why guys "

Global googling:

One can guess that the driving chromosomes behind these searches were primarily female. And largely pissed-off ones, that. Now, our country is more concerned about:

Hmm well. No prizes for guessing the gender in this case. This is the dwindling sex-ratio evidence right in your face here.

I have this obsession with a certain OS here. Undoubtedly, the search queries also included something about linux. And I was happy. The international crowd is a bitch. Fuck you, global homo sapiens! I hope you bluescreen to death!

Query: "Linux is "

On the other hand, look how the penguin fares in India. Much obliged!

It's been a rather rough ride so far. To leave you with a nice aftermint-ish taste in your mouth, here are three wildcard entries, like they're called in some pretentious quiz events.
Google.in knows I'm somewhere near Ernakulam, so it very generously offers localised search suggestions: *shudder* That's the mind of my mallu populace laid bare right there. Very very interesting:

And here, we have "How to", courtesy Google Pakistan. Not really surprising.. or is it?

I promised you I'd not leave you with a bad taste in mouth. Back to google.in here, and thankfully, we know some things are true :) Jaya He!

PS: I know precisely 10% of you bothered to read what was between the images. No, there's nothing very interesting in there. #justsaying, it's not gonna tell you why you should go for an MBA either.

PPS: [Update] Karan just brought me back to my senses as to where this was inspired from. Now I remember. Here's his post, way back in Dec 09, and it's strikingly familiar. However much I feel like taking this post of mine down, I hate undo on blogs, so here it is.


Akanksha Pandey said...


I do this all the time.:P I even click on the hilarious links and end up in crazy crazy CRAZY places. :P #Boredomepidemic

Lol.Loved this one!:D

Anonymous said...

I was thinking of writing a similar entry too, using these examples- http://i55.tinypic.com/20f2av5.jpg
But then I got lazy.. haha oh google!

anan said...

lol 'why men cheat' came twice...:P
good post da...
i think these days even missing persons are first searched in google ...:P

Anonymous said...

"Nice young lady", eh? *chuckles*

Anonymous said...

I thought Google Pakistan would come up with something like 'how to hijack planes' or 'how to become a terrorist'! :D
Just stereotyping. :P

Sriram said...

@akanksha As always, xkcd has documented that particular phenomenon too: http://xkcd.com/214/ :D

@ariyathe HOly shit, that was hilarious!

@anan There are pretty rude jokes about some guys googling for 'whos my daddy' and that google crashed right there :P

@Neeraja Well they know that already, dont they? :D

Abhijith said...

lol.. no wonder they crash more often than not..funny and idiotically!!!

Anonymous said...

LOL! But now we all know a thing or two:

1)Google.in, with its preposterous suggestions for 'how to', is responsible for India's alarmingly-high population growth rate. :P

2)Google.in taught you how to make robots. :D

Just kidding!

vanwinkle said...

haha nice way to pass time,meboy:D And 42 has been,and shall remain the Ultimate Answer to Life,The Universe and Everything.. Dont belittle it with such ghastly insinuations,you blighted ol potato

Vivek said...

Haha! Good one. Try "How not to.." and "Why girls.." as well. What kind of strange people search such stuff?
What would we have done without Google..!

*Goes and searches for How to make urine green..*

Sriram said...

thanks for contributing to the meagre footfalls here, folks :) Your philanthropic efforts would be suitably..er.. rewarded in a suitable time frame :D