11.07.2011

Poda, my-rage

I've expressed my love for driving on more than one occasion up here. The following incident is true word for word. Read and let read.

The car had been deposited in the service centre for its periodic overhaul and i was entrusted with the job of driving it back home while dad made the necessary financial exchanges and rode home in his bike. So with the vehicle out from the service station, we did a few quick checks (signs of uncleaned niches, the customary oops-sorry-sir-the-wiper-blades-must-have-been-overlooked excuse, to name a few) and the baby was ready to roll. The smell of cleaning fluid filled the cab as I got it out onto the road, and the car felt as sprightly as a newly serviced vehicle feels.

All was well on a cloudy November evening until I got to this junction near the posterior end of Chalai. There dwells quite a busy intersection there, guarded by a traffic policeman ever ready to pounce on you if you aren't wearing your seat belts. I did have the necessary strap embracing my torso, so he merely glanced in my direction. The road has signals guarding the left, forward and right. As I approached the lights, they turned to red and I stopped in the lane which was supposed to proceed left.

There is this convention regarding the left lane in this place, which tends to approximate on the fact that the left lane signal is an appendix. Basically, every Thomman, Dinkan and Hariharan ignores the signal and pass right through. It was under these circumstances that I committed the grievous error of having stopped at a red light. A Maruti 800 drove up behind me and started honking its guts out. A glance at the rear view mirror showed a kinda middle aged guy driving, with presumably his wife inhabiting the other seat up front.
I remained still. The reason? Firstly, the light was red. And secondly (before you call me a sissy), there were some people crossing the road to my left (which the gentleman still leaning on his horn behind me couldn't see). Hence, like I said, I stayed put.

But not without doing something I love. I imitated his honking, tone for tone and rhythm for rhythm. It went on for a couple of stanzas, before he vented his ire and shouted at me from the back. At this point I had had enough of it and took off across the road, ignoring the stop sign. This happened in something like fifteen seconds or so. Now, the chap ended up tailing me and honking as if asking for way. I was belting out a steady forty kmph but he wasn't satisfied. There were a couple of trucks to my left, in plain view from his car as well, so I guessed the guy was just trying to take out his irritation. I went back to imitating the honking. At this point something clearly happened to him and he started honking continuously, doing a peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. I answered with an equally long peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep (I had my blood rushing at this point), and finding the left side clear, let the goddamn chap overtake.

As he drew up to my right, I knew what was about to happen.

"Odikkan arinjoodeda mairey!", he spat forth. (Dontcha know how to drive, you #&*^#)

And then, came out my first ever reply to road rage. I was beside myself, and shouted out in full volume:

"Athu nintachann, po mairey!" (That's your dad, go to hell you #&*^#)

My face flushed when I shouted it out (it was quite loud) and I realised what I did. Of course it was good while it lasted, in case you're wondering.
The bloke had overtaken me, and had heard it. I noticed his brake lights come on, as he attempted to slow me down. I daresay I did feel a bit scared at this. I hadn't given a thought to how hulking a chap was sitting inside, or considered the fact that I hardly presented a formidable image myself.

But no, he merely slowed down and said a few words which weren't reaching my ears in the din, and all I saw were his hands which were pointed at me as if threatening me (with no doubt, dire consequences). I honked another pattern (yes, that is fun!) and left him to drive away.

I spotted the unfortunate fucker held up at the next junction where I took a different turn and reached home safe and sound. And fast.

Now, I might have been wrong in some matters -
1. Not having followed the so-called convention while the red light was ablaze. (and not having chosen to mow down the people in that lane)
2. Committing a fallacy in deducing that his dad was the one who should be addressed 'mairey'.
3. Generally leading to flaring of tempers by irritating people.

However, if this is the case with middle aged motherfuckers who accuse the younger generation being irresponsible and flouting rules, this is a fuckin bat to their faces. There are just as many hopeless cases in their generation as there seems to be in mine. If haughtiness rules here, hypocrisy reigns supreme there.
Alright, he might have been in an emergency, you might click your tongue. I have one word - HEADLAMPS. Put the fuckin headlamps on, and drive with a pair of fully functional balls.

This goes equally well for those who cry their hearts out regularly on The HIndu Open Page, saying the world is going to end because of the younger generation. You say rash driving? Please drive well yourself. We listen to crap music is it? Recognise Kambhoji played on an electric guitar with distortion before I do and I will admit that.

You feel we have no respect for elders?

Then mairey, Y U CALL ME MAIREY?

15 comments:

totalliemeh said...

OUCH. OUCH. sho. Cannot imagine you calling anyone that!! urm, no actually, I can. But still. Ho. and yea, you have a point there, it is time they stop criticizing the "young generation". Even my dad, perfect as he is, goes on a rant about "aaj kal ke bache" every now and then and in some cases, i find it hard to explain the way things are.

and also lol @ "thomman, dinkan and hariharan"!

Akanksha Pandey said...

Whoa! Quite a bit of it pent up I see! :D Totally understandable but yeah, maybe we should refrain from pointing fingers back at the older gen, simply because well..we can (which in itself speaks volumes, btw). ;) #justsaying :)

Good post though!!Great to have you back, I must say! :D

Akanksha Pandey said...

Hahaha also.."thomman, dinkan and hariharan" .Rofl.

Gautam Sasi said...

'Thomman,Dinkan and Hariharan' haha verummmm!!! I'd a slight hunch u'd post something in this line after the highway conversation today. kickass post macha!! :D

vanwinkle said...

well,darling,you did have reason to vent your ire there,but it could have gone awry. had you been in delhi or some such northie locale where the trigger is just one honk away, you d be finding yourself staring down the barrel of a country made revolver,with a question that usually goes "bhen**** teri maa c**** padi hai kya" to boot. in short,you ll be deader than the mosquito thats currently lying in state next to my lappie:D but you do have a point about the inter generation mumbo jumbo,its a good thing that you chose to take this up. well played

Sriram said...

@meh: Oh your dad rants about this gen? Ah well, given what he is, he mightve seen quite a bit of them :P

@Aks: Yup, being critical or being stereotyping is pointing weak fingers at each other. It's fun though :D

@gau: Naah this had nothing to do with that man.. if you had a hunch, it's a rare gift of foretelling the future :P Or maybe the butterfly effect caused this post. (Worth a thought experiment, that :D)

@van: Shit! Dei, I would've been stumped at the saddidilli 'teri..' theri itself, and Mr. 9 millimeter neednt have made an unwelcome entrance :D #thankgodforthirontoram

Vivek said...

I know the feeling. Asshole. Well raged. Also, guess who put that tic on 'lazy to comment' thingy.

Word verif is 'copes'.
Who copes with what I wonder.

anan said...

:O sriram ..half the people cant believe u called someone mairae ...
consider the foll points"
1.you should not call anyone by bad name especially elders :P (where did you learn the bad words :O)*innocent look on face*
2. dont obey rules when others dont give a damn :D

pseudoingenue said...

This had me stitches purely because I was trying to picture you through this. The references to 'thomman, dinkan and hariharn' is just brilliant. So glad that you posted! :)

Neeraja said...

"Thomman, Dinkan and Hariharan": Haha, that was kickass! :D

And, it really is quite difficult to digest the fact that you actually called the old bloke that! Nice read, nevertheless. :D

Sriram said...

@vivek: Well one of the two ticks is a silent reader i know well, and the other, kookyboy? :D And copes is malayalam da, referring to people like the villain of the post.

@anan: this from someone who said "ivide joli kitti" :P

@binsy: Apparently people have a tough time equating me with a foulmouth, and i am glad :D

@neeraja: thanks :) You'd better get back to blogging soon too, lady! :D

Srivardhan said...

Whew!
Ways of venting road-rage in a very gratifying manner:
a) Affix plastic bumpers and side-skirts around car and bump dumbos out of your way as you go
b) Install loudspeaker and put The Fundamental Right to Expression to full use
c) (we tried this one and it works the best) Buy Diwali pistols & tape crackers. When someone overtakes from the left or doesn't use dipper at night, stretch out arm and SHOOT at irritant, mafia style!

Believe me, folks at tvm have a lot more traffic sense than the buffoons over here.

Great post. Cheers!

Sriram said...

Hahaha oh my goodness, man.. totally loved the third one! Seriously, brilliance :D

sruthi jayachandran said...

That traffic island confuses me a lot! :|

Totalliemeh said...

am black to bogspot. back to blogspot.